Of Revelations And Misunderstandings
by LadyCrayon
Summary: He shot up from his position on the bed and walked briskly out of his room, he had to see her. Yes he was perfectly aware that it was nearing 4 o’clock in the morning, but he couldn’t care less. He had to see her. One-Shot. L/J


_A/N: Well this is my first attempt at fan fiction. I'm usually a reader, not a writer, but I thought I'd give it a shot. R&R please :)_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I own nothing; well except for the story which hopefully is something...I'll leave it up to you to decide._

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James stumbled through the portrait hole that led to the Heads Dorms in the early hours of the morning. He'd just come back from the Marauder's last escapade at Hogwarts. One last prank before the end of term was the perfect way to finish off their school years.

_They'll be in for a surprise in the morning;_ he thought with a grin as he imagined the faces of the Slytherins come morning.

He closed the portrait door quietly hoping not to wake Lily. Tomorrow would be the last time he saw her. He didn't know what she'd be doing after Hogwarts so he would probably never get to see her again. He loved her still, after all these years, even though he had tried everything in his power to forget about her all throughout the year. He'd even enlisted the help from his trusty friends to help him keep his mind off her. He finally understood that she wanted nothing to do with him and if that's what made her happy, then he'd be damned if he wasn't going to try…for her. He'd try to act indifferently towards her even though it was eating him up inside every time he had the impulse to flirt and make her laugh. What made it that more difficult was the fact that she no longer avoided contact with him, she could stand to be in the same room as him, and now it was him that could not stand it. The very thought of having her close by and not being able to hold her was driving him bonkers. So even though they had reached a sort of truce, an unspoken agreement to be friendly, he kept his distance from her just because it hurt too much.

He made his way towards his bedroom, took a quick shower and put on some boxers. As he walked out of the bathroom, he opened his trunk, waved his wand in a strange eight shaped curve and without having to mutter the incantation, his belongings made their way inside the trunk, just leaving a change of clothes for tomorrow. He closed it and made his way towards his bed, as he reached up to the burgundy curtains to drape them open an envelope laying neatly on his night stand caught his eye. He reached for it and instantly recognized the neat writing on the parchment that simply said 'James'.

_Lily,_ he thought as he tore apart the envelope to get the letter out.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

_Dear James,_

_I have something to say, yet I don't exactly know how to, so bear with me while I try. Maybe I should start by saying that I feel that our seventh year has gone by smoothly, and that's saying something given our history together. It surely isn't what I expected when I found out you were chosen to be Head Boy to my Head Girl, and it certainly was not how I thought this year would be, given we were to share a dorm. I have to say that I've been pleasantly surprised… that you surprised me. Did you know I was actually dreading coming back to Hogwarts when I'd received my letter telling me the news? The joy I experienced when I found out I had been chosen for such a prestigious position quickly vanished when I finished reading the letter and it stated that you were to be my partner. I'd expected for you to make it your goal for the whole of the year to make this the worst in my Hogwarts career. You must know that my opinion of you has never been the best, but it has changed over the course of this year. I've seen how much you've grown and how you've become someone I've come to respect. It's true._

_I write this to you because I want to say I'm sorry for the way I've treated you over the years. You might find it to be a surprise when I say that even though I acted foully towards you, I have never hated you. Never have, never will. Though I must admit that you are, or at least were, the only person that irritated me to the extent of causing me to lose control and lash at you whenever I had the chance. I'm sorry, because I know that even though you deserved it some of the time, there were times when I was unjust and caused you pain with my behavior. All these years, when you said you loved me, I never did really believe you. To you I was just the uncatchable bird that you simply had to win over just so you could say you'd done it. I felt that to you I was just something to be won. A prize if you will. And to be perfectly clear, that is what annoyed me the most about you, the way you just sought me and thought of me as a prize. But I see now that I was wrong. This year I have come to see the real James Potter, the loyal friend, the carefree soul, the smart and incredibly gentle person that I've been blind to all these years. I'd let my preconceived notions of you and my prejudice against you keep me from truly getting to know you. The person that I now see you are would never do something as low as treat someone like a piece of meat. I see now that you never did. And for that I'm sorry. If I'd only opened my eyes sooner maybe things would be different. _

_I completely understand that you don't feel the same way about me that you once did. You haven't once asked me out in the entire year and we're almost nearing the end of term. I understand that you have moved on and probably don't think of me other than when we have Head duties to attend to. I get it. But I just needed you to know, before we get on the train for one last time, that I'm sorry for ever having caused you pain. I'm sorry for all the arguments in which I went too far and all the insults that I sent your way without a second thought to how they must affect you. But most of all, I just needed you to know that I have irrevocably, unequivocally, and desperately fallen in love with you. Ironic if you ask me. The moment you decide to give up on me and move on (and for that I can't blame you) is the moment that I fall head over heels in love with you. If only I could have seen you, the real you, sooner, if only I hadn't been so blind, if only you still harbored some feelings towards me, just…if only. I'm not really sure when it happened or how, but I realized it one day in our common room. I was sitting down with what might have been mountains of books, studying seven months in advance for the Newts (a little excessive looking back now). You entered the room all muddied up and sweaty from Quidditch practice, acknowledged my presence with a quick 'Evans' and a slight nod of your head and entered your room to wash up. It was at that moment that I realized I missed you. Even though I never had you to begin with, I missed how you used to nag me and make a quick joke on how I always stressed too much over school work and I missed your subtle compliments on how I needn't worry so much because I was probably going to pass anyways. I missed the fact that you were always around me… that you always cared. I missed you. And just as that fact started to sink in, another truth much more unexpected than that one popped into my head: I loved you. _

_It breaks my heart knowing that after tomorrow I won't see you again. That we shall go our separate ways and you'll go on be successful, marry someone smart, beautiful and funny, and never think of me again. Just knowing that I had my chance with the most wonderful guy I will ever likely meet, and I blew it makes it that much worse. It's the price I pay for being so stubborn and blind. Again I'm sorry if I have ever caused you pain, and believe me when I say that I'm paying for my stupidity in the most horrible way. I don't know if we'll ever meet again, and frankly I don't even know whether I will give this letter to you before or after the end of term, that is if I gather up the courage to give it to you at all. But I do wish you lead a happy life, for I will try my best to do the same even though I don't carry my heart with me. That will forever belong with you._

_Love,_

_Lily_

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James was speechless, he couldn't process what he'd just read, in fact he wasn't even sure he was awake, maybe he'd already fallen asleep and this was just a dream. Sure that must be it. He was dreaming. All he found that he was able to do was sit on his bed, mouth still agape and staring blankly at the tear stained letter he was holding. Once his brain began to catch up with the situation, he reached out his hand towards his thigh and pinched himself.

_Ouch! That hurt! I'm not dreaming…_James thought. Then as the reality of these words started to sink in, he skimmed the letter stopping to read certain parts.

_I have never hated you. Never have, never will._

_I have irrevocably, unequivocally, and desperately fallen in love with you._

…_the moment that I fall head over heels in love with you. _

_I don't carry my heart with me. That will forever belong with you._

He could not believe it.

_She loves me…She LOVES me!_

He shot up from his position on the bed and walked briskly out of his room, he had to see her. Yes he was perfectly aware that it was nearing 4 o'clock in the morning, but he couldn't care less. He _had _to see her.

He made his way towards her room in record speed and knocked quite loudly on her bedroom door, the letter still held tightly on his left hand. She opened the door startled and James barely had time to acknowledge her skimpy sleeping attire before he quickly demanded in a pleading tone.

"Did you mean it?" he said holding the letter up for her to see.

"I…" she tried to look for words but was too shocked to find any. She hadn't expected to face him so soon, especially having to face him while he was only wearing his boxers. She felt her face grow hot. She knew she should have waited until they boarded the train to give it to him. He would have been too busy to give it any notice and by the time he'd read it she would be far away from his rejection.

"Lily?" he pleaded, this time noticing her disheveled appearance. The way her curly red hair escaped her messy ponytail and framed her face, he saw her fidgeting with her hands, something she only did when she was nervous; he saw a blush spread across her cheeks blending in with her small freckles. She bit her lip and finally looked up at him, her green eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall. She simply looked beautiful.

Not being able to find the words she was looking for she simply nodded her assent and she closed her eyes causing her tears to finally escape her emerald orbs. She braced herself for the rejection that was to come, not daring to open her eyes to see his mocking face. However, that never came; instead, she felt soft lips against her own while his hands wrapped themselves around her waist and neck pulling her closer to him.

If she expected anything to come out of her confession, this was far from it. She quickly caught on and kissed back fiercely, pulling him closer by wrapping her own arms around his neck. His fingers traced circles across her back sending chills up and down her spine that had nothing to do with the cold. His tongue traced her bottom lip as he begged for entrance. She obliged and let out a soft moan as their tongues discovered one another.

James was over the moon by this predicament. He held on to Lily tighter, thinking that if he let her go she would disappear into a poof of smoke and prove once and for all that this was indeed a dream. And if it was, it far surpassed any fantasies he'd ever harbored about kissing Lily Evans; he'd never imagined she'd taste so good, that she'd _feel _so good. He had somehow managed to back her up against the wall and was now pressed against her completely, not even air separating them. It was at this very instant that he realized that he was wearing boxers, and if he recalled correctly she was wearing a rather scanty nightdress.

He reluctantly broke their kiss, worried that he had taken it too far. He searched her face for her reaction, any sign that she might just up and change her mind about loving him, any indication that this might just be a cruel joke, any clue as to what she was thinking at that very moment. However, all he found was that her eyes were clouded over and a darker shade of green. Lust. She looked at him intensely, probably searching any indication that _he _had changed his mind.

_As if! _James thought at the thought that she might doubt his feelings. _Then again I did break off the kiss... Quick say something! Anything!_

"I'm sorry" he said.

_Anything but that! _He thought as he caught the crestfallen look on her face.

"Oh!" she said quickly, trying to hide her disappointment and her heartache; wanting nothing more than to run away to her room.

Lucky James had still to let go off her. He still held her tightly against the wall. Not wanting to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to him because of his stupid mouth he quickly amended:

"I mean, I'm not sorry for kissing you, actually, I'd never be sorry for that." He said attempting a smile, but too nervous to accomplish anything other than a grimace. "It's just that you were crying and you looked beautiful and you wrote in the letter that you loved me and I just acted on impulse and well I'm sorry if I took it too far, it's just that I've loved you since forever and I've been trying so hard to get over you, I _really_ have. But it just hurt too much to be around you but not _be _with you, and I've wanted to kiss you ever since fourth year and…"

But he never got to finish his ramble because his speech was cut off by Lily's soft lips covering his own and by her tongue ravishing his. He lost all train of thought for a moment before he remembered why he stopped kissing her in the first place. Once more, he pulled apart from the kiss, this time resting his forehead against hers.

He spoke once more in a soft whisper, "Lily, I love you and I don't want things to move too fast between us if you don't want to, and even though its _killing_ me right now to say this, I think we should stop before I lose all the self control a teenage boy like me could possibly have" he said and as he kissed her nose he continued, "If…no, _when_ we continue this I'd think it would be best if we were both clothed appropriately and you not wearing that skimpy thing that's making me feel like the biggest moron for trying to get you dressed."

Lily laughed at his antics and his feeble attempts to salvage her honor, especially when she could clearly feel his arousal by how close they stood. She smiled towards him, looking him straight into his hazel eyes and said in what she hoped was a seductive whisper:

"I don't think clothes are appropriate right about now..." she said as she closed the distance between them and kissed him with as much passion as she could muster up. She knew she was playing with fire but she couldn't bring herself to care a James responded her assault and kissed her back fiercely, pushed her harder up against the wall, and lifted her thigh up around his waist.

"Lily," he said in between kisses "not here," he continued kissing her neck knowing full well he'd leave a mark in the morning "not like this, not up against the wall." he said as he captured her lips once more, stifling her moan.

"My bedroom, now…" she offered breathlessly, knowing full well he'd take the offer. He lifted her up off the floor and she wrapped both her legs around his waist for support. He made his way into her room, just a few feet from where they were standing. He laid her gently on the mattress and continued his ministrations on her lower jaw.

"Oh! James…" Lily said in a breathy whisper he barely caught. But he heard her alright, just the sound of her satisfied voice made him go harder. He gently removed her nightdress's shoulder strap and kissed his way down her shoulder to her breast. As he massaged the other with his hand, he felt her nipple harden across the almost see through fabric, he caught her rosy nipple in his mouth and sucked gently until he heard her raspy moan. As he continued his actions her hands made their way towards his messy jet black hair and tugged softly letting him know she was enjoying his attentions.

His mouth traveled once again towards her mouth and as he kissed her deeply once more, his Quidditch calloused hands removed her nightdress in a slow and torturous manner. Once he had removed the garment, he moved downwards again and his lips landed in the valley between her thighs. She shuddered at his touch and he began to kiss her inner thigh lovingly. She had never gone this far with a boy; heck she hadn't even moved past innocent snogging, let alone a full out snog fest and definitely _nothing _compared to what she and James were doing. Yet she only needed to remember that this was James, _her James_, and soon all the nerves that were about to kick in vanished, all because he still _loved _her. She smiled and was brought back to reality when James removed her knickers and began to suck torturously at her center. Her entire body shook as James continued suckling at her clit and gently slid a finger into her. She let out a full out moan at his actions and her hips bucked involuntarily to bring him closer to her. He slid a second finger in and she had to grab on to the sheets as he continued his movements. She moaned as the tension within her built up, but before she could come, James removed his fingers and started placing soft kisses up her navel.

She was desperate, she needed him. He knew perfectly well what he was doing, taunting her like that, she was so close. She had no idea how she managed to do so, but the next thing she knew, she had flipped him over and now was lying on top of him. She bent down to kiss his neck and he felt her curly hair tickle his chest. His hands reached up to grab her waist with every intention of flipping her back and taking control once more. However, his actions halted as he felt her hand travel down his slightly toned chest towards his crotch. She wasn't exactly sure what prompted her to do so but she halted her assault on his neck and looked him straight in the eyes as she slid her hand under his boxers, the only obstacle between them, and took a hold of his arousal. Her eyes filled with innocence, even though he knew perfectly well what she was doing… and it was far from innocent, turned him on even more. She felt him harden at her touch and he groaned, she took it as approval and began to stroke him gently at even intervals. As she did so she managed, quite skillfully to remove his boxers. She stroked him faster and suddenly stopped.

"Teasing isn't so nice now isn't it, James?" she asked in mock innocence and flashed him an award winning smile as he finally took a hold of her waist and flipped her over.

He just grinned at her and caught her lips in his once more. He would never tire of kissing her. Never. He loved her taste, her feel, and the shy moans she emitted every time his tongue did something pleasurable. He pulled back and looked into her eyes to ask, "Is this your first time?"

Of all the times to blush she took this time to turn a bright shade of pink. I mean seriously, just a moment ago, she was pleasuring the man and a simple question like that made her cheeks grow hot?

He loved her innocence.

"Yes." she replied, embarrassed she had chosen that moment to grow a conscience.

"Ok, then we'll take it slow. Hold on," He said planting a kiss on her nose for the second time that night. He reached for his wand but realized that first, he was butt naked; second, he'd left it in his room, so instead he sought hers, which he found quite conveniently on the nightstand only an arm reach away. He performed a contraceptive spell he'd learned from Sirius, threw the wand in the direction of the nightstand not bothering to notice if it landed or not, and continued kissing the redhead under him. This kiss however was different from the rest. The others had been filled with lust, passion, and a frantic need. This one however, was filled with love. He moved at a slow pace and she matched the deliberate movements of his lips. She knew he wanted this to be special for her.

He slowly placed his hardened member at her entrance and kissed her nose again as he slid into her. She gasped in pain and a lone tear escaped her eyes as she closed them in an attempt to block out the stinging sensation she felt. James remained still, not daring to move in case he hurt her. He looked up at her face guiltily seeing the obvious pain she was in, and he kissed her tear away. She opened her eyes and sought his mouth; he quickly obliged her and began to kiss her tenderly once more.

She began to sway her hips as the pain subsided, to let him know she was ready. He was hesitant at first but began to thrust slowly nonetheless. He reveled in the feeling of being inside Lily, her warm muscles massaging him in the most erotic way. But this was no time to think about himself, this was hers. This time was for her, to show her how much he loved her.

The pain she felt began to turn into pleasure and she began moan his name as he began to gain confidence, move faster and thrust deeper. She yelled his name as she felt her muscles clenching around him, she dug her nails in his back as the wave of pleasure exploded within her. He continued to thrust, this time slower and more deliberately, until once more he began to gain speed. His changes in movement caused Lily to lose control once more and come for the second time that night. As she experienced the aftershocks of her second orgasm, she felt James tense inside her and give a guttural groan as he collapsed on her body resting his head in the crook of her neck.

They lay there panting and basking in the afterglow of their first night together. Lily snuggled up to James and rested her head on his toned chest and he began to stroke the hair out of her face. She held on to him tighter and said the words that she had yet to say out loud. The words he'd been waiting for her to say ever since he realized that girls didn't really have cooties.

"I love you, James." She mumbled and drifted off to sleep almost as soon as the words left her mouth.

"I love you too, Lily" he said still stroking her hair and just watching her peaceful slumber until he too succumbed to sleep.

.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.

"Bloody hell, James, wake up!" she said as she climbed out of bed rapidly.

James had to take a moment to figure out where he was and then it came back to him, the whole of last night's events. Lily admitted to loving him, he kissed her, she kissed back, one thing led to another and they'd ended up in bed together, making last night the best night of his entire life. What he couldn't figure out though why was Lily was so freaked.

_Oh no. She regrets last night. _He thought feeling the beginnings of a heartbreak tug at his heart. He watched her pick up her clothes off the floor and run around manically around the bedroom. She stood still for a second to give him a questioning look.

"Well? What are you still doing in my bed?" She asked him quite bluntly in his opinion.

_What?! _He thought desperately, not wanting to think that to her last night was just a one night stand, one last attempt at making him miserable, a mistake...

"Huh?" was all he could say.

"Go, go, go, go! We have to move!" She said resuming her frantic cleaning of her room.

_Is she that desperate to get rid of me?_ He got out of bed dejectedly, not noticing she was putting all of her belongings in her trunk. He walked out of the room and as soon as he'd stepped outside Lily, from inside the room, trampled over her coat hanger, which fell on the door which caused it to shut quite loudly. James shut his eyes at the sound of the door shutting behind him taking it as a spitfire sign that she considered last night being an utter mistake. Then to add the icing on the cake he heard her voice.

"_Bloody hell! That stupid…"_ she said from inside the room, _"…oh shoot that's gonna leave a mark" _not knowing of course she was referring to the rapidly forming bruise on her hip where she'd clumsily hit the coat hanger.

James walked over to his room clutching over himself Lily's sheets, once he arrived in his room he let out the breath he'd been holding, but instead of the sigh he'd expected, he'd emitted a dry sob. James kicked his trunk quite hard with his left foot and tried to focus on the pain in his foot rather than the one in his heart. He sat on top of the trunk and put up his hands to his head and the tears that had been stinging his eyes since Lily shut the door behind him fell down his cheeks silently.

Not too long after, his door opened to show a completely dressed Lily Evans. She was wearing a dark green blouse that fell off one of her shoulders; a golden chain around her neck that he knew had once belonged to her mother and a short denim skirt. He could just imagine she had come into his room to taunt him, telling him that it was a mistake and that she could never love him. He didn't want to hear it, but he could not find his voice. He turned to see her face while still trying to find the words, but his heart gave a pang as he found, not anger, not disgust, not scorn, but instead concern. She quickly went over to him, presently forgetting that they were in a great hurry. She kneeled over towards him, reached up her hand to his face to wipe a tear trail dry as she spoke softly.

"What's wrong, James?" she asked with nothing but concern in her voice.

James could not understand. How could she call him stupid one moment and shut the door behind him and the next be so caring and comforting.

"Lily, I know what you think about what happened last night. And I just wanted you to know that for me it was nothing like that, quite the opposite really" he said.

Now it was Lily's turn to look shocked and hurt "What? So you're saying that last night was…" she trailed off and then found her voice again "It meant nothing to you? How…I…you…" she trailed off once more as she stood up and wiped the tears that fell upon her cheeks.

"What? No I was saying that it meant everything to me," not having caught on to the meaning of her words "_you _mean everything to me and it just hurts, it's gut wrenchingly painful to know that you don't feel the same way, that you think it was a mistake." He finished off lamely not really understanding her reaction.

"What?! You think I consider last night a mistake? Potter, why the bloody hell would you think that!? I love you! And last night was…well it was amazing; more so than I could have ever imagined. But if you're just looking for excuses for not wanting to be with me then…" she said starting to choke up, but was cut off by James reply.

"Then why'd you chuck me out of your room as if I was a yesterday's rubbish." He asked completely confused but a small glint of hope in his eyes.

"Because the Hogwarts Express leaves in, oh look at that," she said motioning her magical watch "_twenty-one_ minutes!" She half yelled out exasperated.

"So you _really _love me?" he asked as a grin spread through his face.

"Yes, though I'm beginning to question my choice in men" she replied dryly.

He walked over to where she stood, grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in for a kiss, not really realizing he'd let go of the sheets that were covering him until he felt a chill travel up his back that had nothing, well maybe a little, to do with kissing Lily.

She pulled back from the kiss and looked at him up and down. She smiled.

"You'd better get dressed." she said in a businesslike tone, but smirked as she finished. "We'll tend to that later" she said pointing towards his rapidly hardening member.

With that she kissed him on the nose and walked out of his room, leaving him to change. God he loved that girl.

The End.

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_A/N: Clickity clickity the review button...u know you want too!!_


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